- My Sayings that Help Me trough Life-

I was born into darkness

And books showed me the stars.

I looked up, and stepped towards the stars,

Then fell into darkness.

Everything Takes Time.

Nothing is easy.

I have nether written or invented

anything new,

just rearranged what was always there!

Perhaps it is much better just to dream of being in love

rather than to actually love someone.

Loving only hurts.

So much.

The only way to a long and happy marriage

is to obey your wife!

Every Teddy should have a Child.

There is always one!

My parents were books.

Feelings rule wisdom

I have been very fortunate to get fathers inventive mind, and ideas and inventions come in a constant stream. I have a "Invented to order" mode, the main problem is getting to write down all the ideas before I forget them. With this in mind you will understand why I have inserted this idea in the middle of the page.

After watching the horrific film of people jumping from the Skysscrapers when they are on fire I set my mind in motion and came up with a solution of how to empty the Skyscraper building  in fast time without injury to the people involved!! Anybody interested? make millions and save lives. Imagine seeing your loved one falling from a skyscraper like a rag doll, to be mutilated when they hit the ground? This can be prevented!!

Over the years some very strange facts and visions have appeared to me. Mother never told me who I was until she was on her death bed. The strange thing to me was that she spent hours telling me of her life with John Logie Baird, but never telling my half brother. I am of a trusting nature and never probed into my past as it was far too painful. It is still painful and when the unfeeling small minded Bairds deny me a DNA test, even not talking to me, I am deeply saddened. My father told my mother on many occasions that Malcolm was not his but one of his wife's South African friends. May be it is best not to unearth the truth at this time.

Father was so deeply in love with the mysterious girl "Alice" or possibly "Pat or Susan." as I was told off these things I took scant attention as at that time it all meant nothing to me. This true deep love made it impossible for any other woman to get close to him, including his poor wife Margaret. It seems that she was unloved and failed to understand her exocentric husband at all. There is a funny TV clip of her being interviewed on the Terry Wogan show. She is so out of step with the world and soon returned to South Africa.

I shall now do my best to list the strange interweaving of my past life and this life. As I look at my school photos I realized that if I looked serious instead of grinning then may be people would take me more seriously, and perhaps listen to me. So as to plan the next school photo I am looking serious. Father seeing his father miss many promotions in the church because of his almost uncontrolled sense of humour, kept a straight face for most photos. I was born in 1943 and one of my friends fathers had build a television from a kit, it had a 5" screen and was on at the time showing a cowboys and Indian film. As I ran past it I was transfixed. This would be around 1950, I knew how it worked and that I was involved with it in some way. On one summer holiday I was looking for something to do so I made a Papier-Mâché head the exact copy of "Sooky Bill" my father had made years earlier. As soon as I became interested in girls I instinctively knew the girl for me. She would have long black curly hair, she would be slim, small breasted wear white shoes, be well educated speaking another language. I found that my type of girl was either a Librarian or frequented the library. I dated many wonderful girls including a beautiful girl Catherine Bailey, who seemed to fit the bill perfectly. Sadly she left me for another man who promised her more than I could ever give. Then a vision the girl of my dreams appeared, she came several times and it seems she had just died and was in her 90's. It was fathers girl she was some 20years younger than him, so the timeline adds up. Why was she pleased to see me and why was I longing and searching for fathers girl. My bedroom that I shared with my dear sister Liz was filled with my inventions. I can just sit and invent. It is such a shame that Malcolm is not interested, as between us, we could make the world a much safer place to be. I loved Cherry trees and their wonderful blossom welcoming the warmer weather. As a mark of where I was living I always planted cherry trees outside the front of the house. Aged 65 I at last managed to get to fathers old home in Helensburgh, to be totally stunned to see all the Cherry trees. Had I been so happy there that I had managed to carry this into my next life? The trees I planted are still outside my old homes.

A serious school photo. Click to enlarge all photos.

Me and my half brother on our way to see a rather ill John Logie Baird. The dog "Boz" had such a vast resume of tricks when he was shown to Walt Disney he immediately wanted the whole family to go to Los Angeles, to make a film.

I knew I would be famous one day but had the certain feeling that I would die while I was still young. This was fathers life interwoven with mine. I discovered that when we talk in our minds we are heard and understood by those that have passed away. After many visits from the departed loved ones I managed to write a book explaining how to communicate with our loved ones. Many people have had a great success and feel much better for the talk. You don't need to be of a set religion or even religious. All it takes is practice and patience. Some religions feel it is "The Devil" so I think an open mind is essential. By the age of 13 I was developing and printing my own films. A kind neighbour help me and there was always great books on the subject that kept me in the Libraries also meeting wonderful girls. I had a motorbike and was repairing my friends bikes. I flew model aircraft, with the small engines in, and the whole world to me was stunningly interesting. How does it work and why? were my never-ending questions. I seemed to be surrounded by kind and thoughtful people including a Miles Coope, who was very talented as a cricket player and a organist, winning many competitions. There was never enough time to do all I wanted to. From painting to building stone walls, each gave me a sense of pride. Soon I was rewiring houses and plumbing in bathrooms. Still to my wonderment neither parent ever said that I had ever done anything good. But by the age of 13 I hand long learnt to live without them. I love music and with my inherited perfect pitch ear I soon fall deeply in love with any outstanding pianist.

It is hard for a family to rear a child they hate, it is also very hard on the child. I was shown nothing, never touched or hugged, and was soon dressing myself. A button was missing of the shoulder strap of my rompers so I learnt to pass it through the hole and tie it up.

I was in Hospital aged 5 thanks to Stanley's fist work and only visited once in a year by Mother and Stanley. The first night was spent alone and in fear, as I was woken at odd times for penicillin injections in the bum. The next day as visiting time approached I was excited as were the other 5 boys in our ward. I listened for mothers footsteps. One by one the other parents came and hugged their offspring bringing gifts. Half an hour passed on the clock and I knew that from that day forth I was alone in the world. I remember being embarrassed that nobody came to see me. I carefully slid down the bed so that my head disappeared under the sheets so that nobody could see me. That was the night I grew up.

After about eight months I had settled in and the Hospital was my home. One days a strange man appeared "I am your Uncle Greg," he said "Your Mothers brother." He had a wonderful smile and arms laden with gifts and comics for me. This wonderful man always popped up in my life when it was most needed, years later he would manage to get me out of the Orphanage. At first meeting I was frightened of him as I was with all men, expecting a beating from them. Uncle Greg was a tall man, very gentle and kind. He joined the Scots Guards as in those days the army paid well and the NCOs had a high social standing in society.

Picture one is of Uncle Greg, two is mother keeping me away from her and my half brother Bernard and sister Liz or Elizabeth, number three is Uncle Greg in dress uniform with mothers parents. Mother is sat holding a Bedlington dog belonging to John Logie Baird. This picture was taken by John as photography was expensive. The last and forth picture is the one sent or handed to John as proof I was his child. I have the blond uncontrolled hair, a mark of the Bairds.

In many ways I cannot complain as I was always fed and clothed, in jumble sale clothes of course. My used shoes always leaked and I beg people that if you put shoes in the Jumble sale please make sure they are water tight. I would tell mother they leaked and she would be mad at me for wearing them out so soon. The only time I had new shoes and a new overcoat was when I was put in the orphanage. I guess that Stanley and Kathleen felt that thus equipped I had no gripe against them. The shoes and clothes soon wore out and I never was given anymore. I think the system at the orphanage was first come first served. Sadly I was both ugly and stupid, with the Baird sticky out hair, so I was very low in the pecking order. Nobody cared anyway so I did agree give the good clothes to those who would make best use of them and be adopted. Another point in my disfavour was I had learnt to be silent, and as invisible as possible, so as not to upset Stanley. I continued this behaviour at the orphanage, as I had been hit on the first day for sleeping on the wrong side. "It will damage your heart," I was told "You make the ward look messy" was added. Keeping a low profile was good on the whole. You missed out on something's but nothing good. Two or three times I was dragged to the office and presented to couples for adoption. My competition was always a pretty girl with plaits and a smile that could melt ice. As always I was patted on my blond head and as I was dragged from the room I could see the patter carefully wiping his or her hand.

Growing up as I had I had learnt to live inside my head. I seldom spoke, nobody listened anyway. I learnt to be cold and have wet feet, to be despised and untouched. It sounds really bad but if you know no better it is an easy life, as nothing is expected of you, you seldom had to say thank you as you were never given anything. To this day I am embarrassed to receive a gift, I would much rather give the gift.

All the horror of my childhood was suppressed and hidden deeply in my mind and I lived a life as best as I knew how. It was as Mother was in hospital and dieing that she at last confessed the truth, She opened all the horror again from start to finish. "This is all your fault" she would scream at me when I was just able to understand, after Stanley had beaten her and me the night before "Its all your fault" over and over again, yet even with my pleading, her hard heart never told me why it was my fault.

Now I think I agree with her. I feel it was my fault. Or fathers fault for buying the home and tying me to it.

Nothing was ever explained to me and as I grew up I was soon out earning. I had found myself a job with a Jim Horner as a trainee motor mechanic. I worked hard as I so wanted to learn as much as possible, I was grateful for Jim taking me on as a stranger. After a year Jim said how well I had done and I was a asset to the garage. Every morning Jim passed my home and picked me up for work. As I sat in the car ready to go to work he asked if Stanley was at home as it was a bank holiday. I replied he was and Jim said "Wait a moment I want to talk to him." On jims return he shook his head and said "That is a strange man." Later I learnt that Jim had gone in to praise Stanley on his well mannered hard working son, this was like a red rag to a bull and it seems that Stanley had condemned me from all sides. Thankfully it did not alter my standing with Jim Horner.

Buy the age of 19 I had married, on arrival back from a short honeymoon I was telephoned by mother as my belongings were packed and on the drive. There was books clothes and some records. These I collected the same day without having to see either Stanley or mother, and left. It would be a year to eighteen months before I saw mother again. I was at long last free of the Mays, but badly scared.